A Night in the Box

Tonight while putting Lauren to bed:

"Daddy, tomorrow before I go to bed will you shave so that I don't have to feel your whiskers when I kiss you goodnight?"

I became a father 9 years ago today. It was easily one of the four happiest days of my life, and memories of it are now oh so bittersweet (more bitter than sweet if truth be told). Last June 16 is a blur. I vaguely remember it not being as hard as I had expected, but my expectations were that it would be pretty terrible.

No matter how today goes, I know that in some respects it will be like every day in that I will spend a lot of it thinking about and missing my beautiful Nathan.

He should be here with me now.

Summer seems to be filled with so many landmines. Nathan's birthday. Father's Day (we brought Nathan home two days after he was born on Father's Day, June 18, 2009). My birthday. The day he died. And the end of summer when we should be putting him on the bus to start a new grade. I hope that we can fill a few good days in around the others.